Tackling pregnancy loss related grief during the holiday season is a very real struggle.  Following the loss of our little one, Naomi Grace, this Advent I found myself knitting a miniature Christmas stocking in preparation of her burial instead of a full size stocking to announce her pending arrival.  With every stitch, the grief working in an odd dance of healing and sorrow.

I asked the moms in both my facebook group and the Mommy to a Little Saint: Catholic Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support group to share their best tips for facing holiday pregnancy loss grief and remembering and honoring their precious little ones.  I also included a few pull out quotes from past articles and fellow pregnancy grief and loss authors!

In addition to the tips shared below, I always find that time spent in prayer in the best way to feel close to my little ones during holiday grief (and any time).  In addition to the Rosary, I also like the Litany of Trust, and the Stations of The Cross.  

Pregnancy Loss Related Holiday Grief is A Real Struggle

I am “faking it till I make it” for the older kids. Just don’t have the same enthusiasm since our baby was due December 30 and was probably going to be induced in time for him to be born before Christmas. Feels like you’re just grinding it out to get the decorations out and up, rather than a layette, like we were hoping. (Meghan)

I want my happy Christmas. I want it big. I want it now.

 

Over some difficult terrain of my young mothering years, I came to associate Christmas with certain negative emotions as I battled through difficult pregnancies and chronic health conditions. As things got tougher, Advent and Christmas became a source of physical and emotional pain…

 

Read more from Melanie on How to Be Happy When You Don’t Feel Christmas.

Making New Memories & Holiday Traditions

We buy a Christmas gift for a child in need to donate. (Kelli)

We hang stockings for them and include them in the Christkindl activity we do throughout Advent and Christmas. The child who picks a sibling in Heaven chooses a gift to donate to a pregnancy shelter. (Lindsey)

We believe that our sweet girl is in heaven looking down and praying for her family here on earth. To acknowledge her important role, each year we write notes to Isabelle listing out our prayer intentions and place them in her stocking. I like to imagine that the innocent soul of a child has a special place in heaven and like to picture her whispering our prayers into Jesus’s ear. (Sarah, Read More Of Her Experiences Here)

I always light a candle for my twins after Christmas Eve Mass.  (Anonymous) 

Special Reminders of Your Baby

I got a small stocking with his initial on it. (Lindsay)

A special ornament to remember baby’s first Christmas in heaven! (Audrey)

Actually, so many people suggested an ornament as the way they honor their pregnancy loss grief during the holidays that I couldn’t possibly quote them all!  Sometimes a personalized ornament is chosen and other times people prefer something that sparks a special memory.

Catholic Artisan and loss mama, Theresa, of Happy Nest Home Goods says this about ornaments, “I made these memorial ornaments for our babies and it’s actually been very healing for my heart to make them for others too. Having an ornament has helped me feel like I’m holding physical space for our children.”

Grief With Family & Friends

We have a bear that I include in family pictures. (Kelli)

I specifically ask friends and family who know about my babies to include us in their prayers during this time.   (Anonymous) 

We hold a gift collection in honor of our babies among our family and friends. We deliver the gifts to our local Birthright on the feast of the Holy Innocents-December 28. (Lindsey)

Our child has his own rosary, which our family takes turns holding as we pray the rosary together. The rosary has been the greatest blessing! (Meghan)

The Empty Chair is an excellent resource for those grieving any type of loss during the holidays.

Words of Wisdom From The Grieving

I’ve found a lot of peace this Christmas by realizing this is a time of preparing for Christ’s return and not only his birth, and knowing that this loss is only temporary. (Kelli)

The mass is comforting! Knowing that during the consecration all the choirs of angels and my little guy are there with us–I feel so happy to still be able to do that with our little one during Advent. And I just keep talking about him to whoever will listen. (Meghan)

All of life is this journey, a composite of light and dark, good and bad, holy and unholy, suffering and healing. But the reality is, as we get older and continue to permit grief to reside in us as it wills, we understand that suffering and joy can coexist within us. That’s where true healing begins.

Read more from grief author, Jeannie Ewing…